


Please Eat

by orphan_account



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: A bitch is crying and that bitch is me, Angst, Eating Disorders, I'm Sorry, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why Did I Write This?, donghyuk doesn't see what's wrong, everyone is worried about donghyuk, poly ikon, polyamourus relationship, the tags are horrible, trigger warning, triggering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 13:16:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11945022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: 'Cause I know you can only starve so much'Til you like how it feelsSitting on a throne of bonesStaring at that cold meal





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This just popped into my head, like I don't even know where it came from but here it is. Sorry that it's such shit. This does deal with some very serious situations an problems so please read at your own risk.

    It was unusually silent in the Ikon practice room, the usual sounds of music, shoes squeaking against the floor and loud laughing was nowhere to be found. The group was lined up against one of the mirrored walls of the silent room. The only noise that was heard was Jinhwan's name being called by their manager as their manager stood near a stainless scale that had an eye level weight beam and it was used to measure their height as well. It was that time of month again, they were doing their monthly weigh in. Donghyuk peered over Chanwoo's shoulder as the rest of Ikon watched Jinhwan slip his shoes off and step onto the scale. 

  "sixty four kilograms and a hundred sixty five centimeters," Their manager stated after he had took the eldest member's height and weight. "Good job Jinhwan, you've barely gained any weight since last month," the male added as he jotted down the height and weight. Jinhwan muttered a quick thanks as he slipped his shoes back on. The manager called the next member's name, making the line get shorter. Donghyuk didn't even know he was holding his breath as he tried to remember how many calories his lunch had been, it was the first actually thing he had eaten in almost two weeks and he could already feel it making him fat. 

  "Dong, dude, breathe," Chanwoo said as he shook Donghyuk's shoulder, bringing the older male out of his thoughts. Donghyuk all but gasped as he finally allowed himself to breathe. "You were so spaced out that I thought you were gonna faint from not breathing, what were you even thinking about," The maknae asked, looking down at him with a quirked brow. Before the blond could even managed to think of a lie their manager called Chanwoo's name. Donghyuk shuffled forward as Chanwoo stepped over to the scale and slipped off his shoes before getting on it. 

  Donghyuk stared at the scale, his only enemy, with a hollow look in his eyes as their manager weighed the maknae. He wanted to turn and look at the person behind him and tell them to go before him but he was the last person who needed to be weighed. "Donghyuk, your turn," The manager said after a moment. Said male's stomach started to tie itself in knots as he slowly made his way to the scale, trying to ignore Hanbin's and Jinhwan's eyes focused on him. His heartbeat rang in his ears as he slipped his shoes off and stepped onto the scale

  He squeezed his eyes shut as he listened to the sound of the plastic slide across the beam which was shortly followed by his manager telling him to turn and press his back to the bar so he could take his height. Donghyuk opened his eyes to look at his manager once he felt the long slim plastic bar against the top of his head. "fifty eight point five kilograms and a hundred seventy five centimeters," the older male murmured before quickly adding, "it seems you've gained about ten pounds since last month." Dunghyuk's hands twitched and tears stung at the back of his eyes as he stepped down from the scale and grabbed his worn out shoes. Without another word their manager grabbed the scale and walked out of the practice room, leaving Donghyuk sitting on the floor as he put his shoes back on while trying not to cry.

  "ten pounds, that's not that bad," Hanbin said as he walked over to Donghyuk and sat down on the floor beside him. "I know," the blond lied through gritted teeth, not even bothering to look up at his leader. Hanbin just gave him a small smile as he patted him on the back before getting back up. "Hey, we're gonna head back to the dorm for dinner now. You coming," Jinhwan asked as he walked over, looking between the two. Hanbin only nodded before he made his way over to where the other members were slowly gathering their things so they could leave. 

 "You gonna come Dong," The hyung asked, squatting down to be eye level with him. Donghyuk gave a small shake of his head as he kept his eyes trained on the ripped material of his black jeans. "I think I'm gonna stay back for a little while and practice some more," he responded, already feeling the guilt that was gonna swallow him whole from lying so much.  He missed the look of concern that Jinhwan gave him. "Okay, just make sure you don't stay here more than an hour or I'm gonna come back and drag you out of here by your front teeth." 

  With that final statement Jinhwan got up and left with the rest of the group. Donghyuk stayed on the floor, his eyes still trained on the ripped knees of his skinny jeans. He sat there for what felt like hours but it was only ten minutes before he finally got up. The words _"gained ten pounds"_ repeating over and over again in his head as he made his way to the little bathroom that was connected to their practice room. By the time he gets into thee bathroom and locks the door tears are streaming down his face.

 "God, I'm such a fat ass," He mumbles, as one hand touches at his stomach and the other wipes at his eyes. The hand on his stomach is squeezing at the fat he insists is there as he keeps muttering insults to himself. By now he's kneeling in front of the toilet and is lifting the lid up. His talking comes to an end as two of his fingers back their way into his mouth and the back of his throat, instantly finding his gag reflex. In the next second his fingers are out of his mouth and he's bent of the toilet bowl, vomiting. 

  He repeats this action over and over until he has nothing left but stomach acid to throw up. His head was pressed against the bowl as he blindly searched for the handle, his fingers tightening around it once he found it and pushed it down. He didn't even budge at the roaring noise of the toilet flush itself. He wanted to cry but he felt too weak to even find the energy to weep. Deep down he knew that what he did was bad and that he should feel guilty for turning back to such actions again but he couldn't, he just knew he needed to lose weight. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If only I could love you enough to give you what you need  
> If only I could be for you the hand that feeds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is lowkey kind of a filler chapter and that's why it's short but oh well at least I'm updating this. This chapter revolves a bit more around Jinhwan because I plan to do some chapters that revolve around certain members more than they do Donghyuk so readers can find out how they feel and think about the whole situation.

 

    The walk back to the Ikon dorm was agonizing for Donghyuk, his legs ached and his throat was sore; his legs aching from the practicing he had done all day plus the walking he was doing and his throat was sore because of...obvious reasons. He could have taken a bus but he was already late to get back to the dorm so he couldn't waste more time by waiting for a bus plus walking could help he lose weight. He honestly just wanted to lay down and sleep forever but he obviously couldn't do that. He stood outside the Ikon dorm for a few good minutes, trying to mentally prepare himself for the questions he knew that Jinhwan was going to throw at him for coming in late. The twenty year old was silent as he stepped into the dorm and kicked his shoes off, trying to make it past the living room without getting noticed.

   He had barely even tiptoed past the couch that Jinhwan was sitting on, watching some cliche drama and obviously waiting for him, whenever he stepped on the wrong floorboard and it creaked. "Fuck," Donghyuk whispered as Jinhwan looked away from the television and over his shoulder, a stern look on his face whenever he saw Donghyuk. In a blink of an eye Jinhwan had hopped over the back of the couch and was standing in front of Donghyuk, looking up at him as he crossed his arms over his chest. This would have looked a bit silly to see such a short man looking like he was gonna beat Donghyuk for being late but to Donghyuk and everyone else in Ikon, they knew how strict Jinhwan could be whenever it came to curfews and the members' health. "Where have you been?! You're almost an hour late, I was just seconds away from waking the other members so we could go looking for you," The older male exclaimed, trying not to raise his voice a lot because of the fact that the others were sleeping. 

  "I walked here, that's why I'm late," The brunet answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world while the other scoffed, giving him a bewildered look. "You walked," Jinhwan practically screeched before a hoarse voice shouted down the hallway for the dorm, "Shut the hell up!", causing Jinhwan to wince because he knew he was getting loud. "Yeah, I walked here. What's wrong with that," Donghyuk questioned as he leaned against the back of the couch, crossing his arms over his chest as well. The twenty three year old that stood in front of him sighed, shaking his head as he ran a hand through his dark locks. Why was he even standing in here, wasting not only his but Donghyuk's time as well whenever he knew he wasn't going to get anywhere with this conversation with him? 

  Jinhwan gave a wave of his hand before adding a quick, "Just go to bed Dongie." Donghyuk was silent as he walked off, leaving the eldest hyung in the dorm living room by himself. The short male walked back over to the couch and flopped down on to it face first, huffing as his face got buried into the gray cushion of the furniture. He was just ready to give up and hide away forever and be alone with no problems but he couldn't do that, he needed to be strong for the group. He might not have been the leader but he was the oldest and he knew all of the members looked up to him and thought he did right by them. If he did right by all of them then why did he feel like he was failing Donghyuk?

   Was he not showing his love enough to his dongsaeng, was he not showing him that he cared about him and his well being? He just needed to know, he needed to know in what way he was failing him so he could fix it and make it better. The Jeju city native knew today probably had to have been the worst day for Donghyuk, he knew Donghyuk wasn't confident with his body or his weight and hearing that he gained weight probably tore the younger male all to pieces but Jinhwan also knew he wasn't really ever going to understand how hurt Donghyuk was by it. Sure Jinhwan himself had problems with his body but it was just that he wished he was taller and a bit bigger but realistically he was aware that possibilities of that happening was slim to none. The young adult just hoped that this didn't all go down hill and become a huge problem again.

   Donghyuk has had several problems relating to stuff like this before and he had been hospitalized for them more than once. Just thinking about the times his dongsaeng was hospitalized brought tears to the eldest's eyes. The first time they ever hospitalized Donghyuk was because he fainted in the middle of dance practice because he was so dehydrated from not eating in almost over two weeks. When the group, excluding Donghyuk, got back to the dorm that evening Hanbin had to hold Jinhwan as he sobbed, cursing himself and repeatedly saying he was the worst hyung ever. He even remembers the one time, about a year and a half ago, that he walked into the dorm bathroom and found Donghyuk kneeling over the toilet with two of his fingers shoved down his throat, trying to make himself throw up everything he had just eaten for dinner. 

  All he could do was hope that Donghyuk wouldn't turn back to such drastic methods, he didn't want to have to start force feeding him again. He didn't want Donghyuk to suffer anymore because of his own thoughts. He wanted Donghyuk to come to him or any of the others, he wanted him to be comfortable with telling them if he had a problem. Jinhwan gave a sigh, the breath escaping his lungs didn't really travel anywhere since his face was still pressed into the couch cushion. If only he knew that he was getting concerned a bit too late like all the other times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't proofread this so there's probably more than couple mistakes in this


End file.
